I'm Still Here
by Nicolive
Summary: *Christmas One-shot for Mirlyinda* Insults and hate are always hurled at those who use magic, especially by those living Camelot. But what the residents of the castle dont realize is that the insults cut deep on the secret Warlock. No matter how how the mindless comments sting, Merlin's still there. Song Fic to "I'm Still There" from Treasure Planet.


**I own nothing. This is a Christmas Oneshot for Mirlyinda, Stay awesome girl! XP, the song is "I'm Still Here" from Treasure Planet, which I don't own. Merlin is the BBC's, if I owned it I'd be **

**a. Rich **

**b. Awesome**

**c. Making the show last forever.**

…**.**

Merlin stormed out of the castle, running as fast as he could through the streets of Camelot till he reached the south gate. As soon as he reached the forest he finally let himself collapse onto the ground and cry. He should be used to this, the hatred of magic in Camelot. People feared magic, so they did what people always do, they attacked it. Insults, curses, hatred, it was all hurled at those who used and practiced magic, that's the reason so many magic users attack Camelot, they were attacked first.

He knew he should ignore them, brush it off like nothing ever happened. They weren't saying it to him! They didn't know he had magic, they didn't know the weight he carried on his shoulders, the pain he hid behind his smiley façade. The taunts and jibes made about magic users, the names the nights so flippantly used, the unmentionable curses and obscenities the King would hurl at the very mention of magic. Even Arthur would pounce on magic the minute it came up, after all, how on earth could ANYONE use magic for good? Magic MUST be at the root of all evil! Merlin broke down right there on the forest floor; birds sang their song not knowing the pain the man lying on the ground was going through.

"I'm still here…." He managed to croak out, crying had made his voice raspy and soft but he still went on. _"I'm just a question to the world…."_ He managed to push himself up against a tree and then stand up shakily from there.

"_Not an answer to be heard… or a moment that's held in your arms. And what do you think you'd ever say, I won't listen anyway. You don't know me and I'll never be what you want me to be."_ He gasped out, starting to sing. Singing healed the broken soul, wasn't that what his mother used to say? No one knew who he was, not really. No one, not Arthur, not Gwaine, not Lancelot, not Gwen, not Freya, Not Will, not Gaius, not even his mother Hunith.

"_And what do you think you'd understand, I'm a boy, no, I'm a man. You can't take me and throw me away. And how can you learn what's never shown? Yeah, You stand here on your own, They don't know me, 'Cuz I'm not here.." _ They didn't know him, how could they claim to know him? He stood up time and time again, he pushed himself to be better, to be strong, to save the world, or atleast Camelot. It was his destiny, wasn't it? Then why was he forced to endure all this?

"_I want a moment to be real, wanna touch things I don't feel, wanna hold on, and feel I belong! And how can the world want me to change? They're the ones that stay the same! They don't know me 'Cuz I'm not here!" _He just wanted to be normal, just wanted to be excepted! Why him? What made his life so different to give him this cursed gift, this destiny he couldn't escape?

"_And you see the things they never see, all you wanted, I can be! Now you know me and I'm not afraid! I wanna tell you who I am! Can you help me be a man? They can't break me as long as I know who I am."_ But Merlin knew they would never break him beyond repair as long as he knew who he was. He was Merlin, he was a poor boy from Ealdor who came to Camelot at his mother's request. He had magic. He _was_ magic. He was one half of a coin. He had a destiny to fulfill! He was Merlin! He was a clumsy man servant with a pratty prince to serve. He would make Arthur great! He would change the world one day! He was Morgana's bane, the Druids prophesied one. He was Emrys, he was Merlin.

"_And I want a moment to be real, wanna touch things I don't feel, wanna hold on, and feel I belong! And how can the world want me to change? They're the ones that stay the same! They can't see me, but I'm still here. They can't tell me who to be, 'Cuz I'm not what they see." _He wasn't what Camelot wanted him to be, he was what Camelot needed him to be. He would always be there, he would always care, even when Camelot turned their back on him, he was still here.

"_Yeah, The world is still sleeping while I keep on dreaming for me, and their words are just whispers and lies that I'll never believe." _Everyone in Camelot thought and said and belived and dreamed that magic was evil, but Merlin knew not to believe in that lie. Magic was good! It was beautiful! It was the person who made the magic bad, not the magic that made the person bad.

"_And I want a moment to be real, wanna touch things I don't feel, wanna hold on, and feel I belong._ _And how can they say I never change? They're the ones that stay the same! I'm the one now 'Cuz I'm still here. I'm the one 'Cuz I'm still here! I'm still here! I'm still here!" _He poured out his heart and soul into the last verses, he knew he would be missed soon enough. Too many questions he would have to answer, too many "Where did you go?" "Why'd you run off like that?" "Muck out the stables. NOW." He steeled his nerves and turned back towards Camelot, determination in his steps as he whispered the last lyric, it couldn't have been truer to any other person.

"_I'm still here…"_


End file.
